Truth Number Five

I am so tired
That my head hurts
But I don't feel like falling asleep

Truth Number Four

There are piles and piles
Of clothes in our room
And I'm not entirely sure what's clean

Truth Number Three

Al Capone
Does not
Do my shirts

Truth Number Two

The home phone
Is lying face down
On the floor

Truth Number One

My purse
Is full of
Pockets

Innocence At Almost Twenty Three

My husband
Is very intently
And carefully
Looking at pictures
And a grid
Trying very persistently
To draw
A dinosaur

Pioneer Day

Went to the pioneer village
So hot
Walked around the museum
Not quite as hot
Walked back outside
So hot
Barely made it to the car
So hot
Went home
Turned on the air conditioner
And the fan
Ahh
Much better
Played solitare
And text twist
Watched West Wing
While Bryan hung out with the guys
Bryan came home
Rented a board game
Ate birthday burgers at Red Robin
Took some left over steak fries to Lance
Since he works at the mall
Checked the movies at the dollar theater
Played games with Kendra and Chris
And Jenny and Kyle
And then with Lance and Andrea
And Kegan and Amanda
Ate so much junk food
Jumbo Cheetos
Doritos
Soda
Mint Oreos and milk
Ice cream sandwich
Came home
Time for bed
Happy Pioneer Day

Here's Hopin'

Maternity eternity
I hope it's over soon
I hope your baby boy will come
You'll deflate like a balloon
Maternity eternity
I hope it's over now
And that you're holding Ethan
Who I'm sure will be really cute

(I dedicate this poem to my sister-in-law Hillary who has been tortured by pregnancy long enough!)

Kindergarten Sunshine

Sunshine

held together with staples
Clouds
puffed with newspaper
Little hand prints
surrounding the calendar
Trees and grass
of crumpled paper stapled to the wall
Lists of colors
with magnets on the back
Puppets
sleeping in their container
These are the things
a Kindergarten classroom is made of

Today's To-dos

Safe seat
Clean closet
Delectable dinner
Nifty neighbors
Bratty Bryan

Old Roommates

Old roommates
Make faithful friends
Perhaps it is because
They become something of sisters
Simply by living together day in and day out
Sometimes they drove you nuts
And sometimes you drove them nuts
When you forgot to wash your dishes
Or you were taking up too much room in the fridge
Mostly you love them
And laugh with them a lot
You know all their secrets
And since they know all of yours
Their secrets are pretty safe with you
And when you've grown up and gotten married
Or simply moved away
You find yourself missing
Running errands with them
And going on walks late at night
And sitting at home watching old re-runs
And the same ten movies you're all sick of
You know them so well
And they know you so well
And like you anyway
Perhaps that is why
Old roommates
Make faithful friends

Hiccups?

Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
Something inside is beating
Trying to get out through
My belly button?

Brain Dead

Someday
I'll think of something to say
But today
I cannot

Oh Bollywood

You mix karma with hip-hop
All of your women are beautiful and slim
Or old and flabby
Your films are so long
And your dancing and music have little
(Or nothing at all)
To do with the plot
What color you bring to life
And what nonsense

A Few Favorite Goodbyes

See ya soon
Ya big buffoon

See ya now
Ya big fat cow

...I guess by a few I mean two.


I guess I took the whole being still thing a little too seriously and was so still that I forgot to write for two days. Oops! Anyway...

Being Still

Our usual Sunday school class was canceled this past week. And since it's the summer and some of the Sunday school classes have been downsized, almost the entire ward was packed into the Relief Society room for Gospel Doctrine. Now don't get me wrong- the teacher was great and I love being with the ward, but I had a really hard time sitting through class. In the first place, I haven't been to a regular Gospel Doctrine class in about a year. When Bryan and I first moved into the ward we were called as ward missionaries and were asked to attend the Gospel Essentials class with the rest of the ward missionaries and the one investigator. Well, the one investigator got baptized and so finally a few months ago they dissolved the Gospel Essentials class and we started to attend the marriage and family Sunday school class. This class, like Gospel Essentials, is a lot more laid back since only four or five couples actually attend it. Bryan and I regularly end up in giggle fits and because things are so much less formal I don't feel like I'm being irreverent when I eat my pregnancy snacks during class. But sitting in Gospel Doctrine (in the front row because we didn't make a V-line for Sunday school the moment Sacrament Meeting got out) in a room packed full of everyone in the ward made me feel a little sheepish about getting out my yogurt and granola bars, let alone making funny comments to Bryan. I ended up taking a quick snack break out in the hall and then tried very hard to sit still during the rest of the lesson, but it was hard.

Last weekend Bryan's grandpa passed away and, as a result, his entire family flew in for the funeral. It was great to have them there, but it certainly made our weekend a lot busier. With two trips to the airport and three or four trips back and forth between Provo and the Ogden area, Bryan and I were on the go. We got to spend a lot of good time with his family and, because of this, I wasn't sitting around as much as usual. This was great, but by Sunday night when I was falling asleep I began to worry. By the time you get to be so far along in pregnancy your doctor and any pregnancy book you read will tell you to start "counting kicks." This means you're supposed to start paying close attention to how much your baby moves so that if you notice a big drop or a complete lack of movement you can let the doctor know. Well, as I was lying in bed Sunday night not feeling any movement I tried thinking back over the previous few days, trying to recall if I had felt my baby girl move around much. Finally I came to the somewhat panicked conclusion that I hadn't felt her move much at all that weekend. Monday afternoon was the funeral, but I woke up early Monday morning and called the doctor. The nurse there said I needed to come in to have the baby monitored, so Bryan and I drove over to the doctor's office where they strapped me up to a machine that follows the baby's heart rate and some other things. I knew then and I know now that it was a fairly routine check, but I couldn't help feeling a little scared and overwhelmed. I didn't talk much and I swallowed hard a few times to keep myself from crying.

Everything was fine. Likely I just hadn't felt the baby move as much because I had been up and doing things all weekend and movement will often rock babies to sleep when they're in the womb. As the kind nurse was unstrapping me she gave me some pointers on what to do if I ever felt a lack of movement again. "Lay down for an hour. If you still haven't counted ten movements in an hour, have a snack and lay down for another hour. If you still haven't counted ten movements after that, give us a call." She wasn't mocking me or accusing me of being overly worried. She knew that a baby who wasn't moving could be in real danger. But she also knew from years of experience that I could save myself a lot of time, trips to the doctor's office, and personal panic if I spent some time just being still.

I found myself thinking about this later that day during the funeral services for Bryan's grandpa. Either because somebody quoted it during their remarks or because the mood of the room was such, my mind kept tracing over the words in Doctrine and Covenants 101:16, "Be still and know that I am God." As I considered the chapel full of Bryan's family there for the funeral and the general peace and calm that filled the room, I thought of stillness and that the reason this room full of relatives could be so peaceful was because of their knowledge of the plan of salvation. They were sad to see their father and grandfather go, but they knew that they would see him again. There was no sense of panic or worry at their loss. They were there to console one another and mourn together and just to be together at one of life's crossroads. There was nothing they could do to change the change, but they gathered to witness it together. They were busy in their work of consolation and remembrance, but as a whole they were peaceful and steady and still.

I've been thinking about being still a lot lately and I have come to the conclusion that it is one of those essential things in life. I think it's one of those extremely basic lessons we're supposed to learn while we're here. It's not always easy to be still. Often it's tempting to eat snacks and giggle instead. Sometimes it seems like we don't have time to be still. And I think because it's a challenge, I am all the more convinced of its importance. You know, kind of the principle of "Slow down. You move too fast. You've got to make the moment last." I don't necessarily think we're always supposed to go around feeling groovy, but I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn to not always be in such a rush. I think he wants us to learn to enjoy the moment, to not hurry through big decisions, to have time to look at roses and butterflies and bugs in the dirt. Of course we're supposed to work hard and do a lot of things in this life, but I think there is something eternal in the principle of stillness.

A Smile On My Face

Good news
Lights one up
From the inside
Because you can remember it
And be happy
Even after you threw up your blueberry yogurt

We Went To Birthing Class Today

Giving birth
Sounds somewhat terrifying
And quite painful
To say the very least.
Thank heavens
(Seriously)
There's a beautiful baby
At the end of it all.
What a beginning.

Hmm...

To write
To write
Perhaps I might
Go to bed
Instead

What It Takes to Write

I always feel I have to explain/ excuse myself in some way any time I miss a day since the goal that I've plastered all over this blog is that I'll write every day. I often find that I'm ready to move past the fact that I missed a day and just move forward, but I can't yet. Thinking about this and all the reasons I haven't written every single day lately has gotten me thinking about writing and all that goes into it and why I made this goal in the first place. Here's the thing: it takes effort to write. Sure,

"Any idiot
Can write haiku just stop on
The seventeenth syll..."

but to truly write takes time to think. To write from the heart takes even more. Also, for me personally, it takes quiet time alone to be able to construct something meaningful out of words. I need the music off, nobody around talking, and nobody looking over my shoulder. With our internet not working at home for about a week and a big family gathering happening away from home (where I couldn't retreat to be someplace by myself) I simply had to put writing on hold. That's okay. Life is like that sometimes, certainly. And of course participating in real life is more important than writing about it. But it's nice to be back home in the quiet and to have the internet working again so I can plunk away by myself for a while in the quiet of our little apartment.

Do You Smell Something?

It's gross to be
As sweaty as me
Oh pregnancy
How you tease me

Uh Oh

Sleeping through the night
Is already a problem
And she's still inside

July 4th, 2009

Awake
Strawberries
Blueberries
Waffles
Airport
Chris
Anna
Sophie!
Sandwiches
Chips
Settlers
Settlers
Packing
Driving
Shopping
Burgers
Milkshake
Fireworks
Settlers
Toothbrush
Goodnight
Zzz

*Just for the record, I did actually write this yesterday, but I didn't have access to the internet to post it until now. So, no failure! Yay!

Fourth of July in Provo

Oh Fourth of July in Provo
You make me want to
Use back roads
And stay inside
I think of past memories
And wonder how dumb they can be
Those city planners who
Block off an entire square in the city
What dummies
I think I will
Avoid the parade
And the runners
And all the crazies who camp out all night
Just to watch the parade
Which isn't even so great
And instead
I will eat waffles with
Strawberries for red
Blueberries for blue
Whipped topping for white
It will be so festive
And includes no traffic
What could be better?
Perhaps only
Anna's crepes
Mmm

Cabin Fever

Maybe I will win a free vacation
Sometime in
January, perhaps
All expenses paid
To someplace tropical
That would be grand

Fourth of July Cat

Fourth of July cat,
Fourth of July cat,
Why do you explode and explode like that?
Neither I nor the kids
Like that splat
So scat!
Fourth of July cat!


This is a re-write of a much-loved song that I learned while working at the BYU preschool. The original is as follows:

Halloween Cat

Halloween cat,
Halloween cat,
Why do you meow and meow like that?
Neither I nor the moon
Like that tune
So scat!
Halloween cat!

This song took a turn for the morbid, however, when one day as I was walking in and out of the classroom while the kids were singing this song I found that the song playing through my head was actually combining with another song ("Bubble Gum" the first line of which goes, "Bubble gum. Bubble gum. Chewy chewy chewy chewy chewy bubble gum."). Since these two songs have fairly similar rythms, they were easily mixed up/ combined. The result came out as:

Halloween cat,
Halloween cat,
Chewy, chewy, chewy, chewy, chewy,
Halloween cat...

After that little incident I have been inspired multiple times to change the words to the original into more morbid things, like the Fourth of July Cat song that I displayed at the beginning.